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the renegade bride

the wild, wacky adventures of a bridal industry insider +newlywed + new homeowner and (in practice)renovation-maven. Whee!

Tag Archives: renegade engagement

This whole thing really started when I was watching tv and I saw one of those commercials about from some rent to own company, where you apparently can furnish your entire home, have a big screen tv, multiple compters etc etc with no credit, no job, and with–  to quote the commercial — “no problem!” Who knew, right? It’s like the car lots that tell you if you have a job and a hundred bucks, you two could drive off the lot with a brand new car.

Obviously, these commercials are targeted to the poor suckers out there that cannot get an entire home furnished by rent to own, or the people that show up at the car lot with their job and $100 dollars only to learn that that will get them a really crappy car from the late to mid 80s that doesn’t really even work. Maybe, if it’s a good day, it will be an early model Saturn. The kind where everything about the car was made of a high-density plastic, where the ceiling fabric is collapsing in and the radio only picks up with AM. Lucky you, right?! Lucky you.

Despite my knowing “how the world works” and that no one gets something for nothing, and that no one is lucky enough to get a brand new car or 52 inch tv with no credit check, I started to wonder if I could apply the same rules of the car lot and rent to own place to my relationship. I started coming up with my own little commercial (mostly an internal dialogue, mind you) that included the fact that I did have A) a long term, committed boyfriend, B) hopeful promise of a forthcoming engagement, and C) the fact that I was 30 (more on that, later, I promise)

No Ring? No problem! If you have a committed, long-term boyfriend then YOU TOO can envision life as a bride. A future married person, a woman dressed in white, a beautiful vision on her beautiful, perfect day. It could happen. right?

I’d been batting around this idea for a little while (ok, honestly, like three days) and then today I was driving into work and I heard the stupid Tacori commercial.

Have you heard this? It’s something like some chick that is saying “the next time I hold his hand, Iwant to be wearing a Tacori”. Of course you do, you selfish bitch! There you are, planting stupid seeds into people’s minds, making every poor sap like me want and long and need for said Tacori, and you’re basically gloating about how you know your boyfriend is going to buy you one. I’m not kidding, nor am I exaggerating– the girl goes on about how he gets her, her family, her values, and that obviously means he’s going to drop a few K in the investment in their future, her engagement ring.

I’d had it. After months and months of people asking (more on that later) or the people who already presumed we are married– the ones that say “oh, how long have you guys been hitched” or, “where did you honeymoon?” Or the bastards that asked “oh, did your BF ask you the big question over Christmas?” Obviously not, because I have no freaking RING on my finger, and certainly not a TACORI.

So, here I am. Angry, right? yes. It’s been almost three years, I’m thirty for God’s sake, and I’m dying over here. I mean, each day is one step closer to death for me. My youth, sadly, is over. I need something to live for, and that should be the prospect of marriage and babies. I kept saying to myself, “i’ll be patient. I can wait this out.” but then, waiting it out became harder, and harder, and harder…until I started to foam at the mouth over weddings. It makes matters worse that I work in the wedding industry– I eat, sleep, and breathe weddings. Weddings are my thing. And I am ringless, a leper in a world of happy married newlyweds or soon to be parents.

I had no choice. I had to take matters into my own hands, and that meant that I had to go ahead and start planning this wedding. Otherwise, it will be a total last minute thing and I’ll be upset and miserable.  Can you blame me, really? Can you? This blog will detail my every move as I plan this shindig on the side, renegade style.

Now, the big question remains, amd I crazy?