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the renegade bride

the wild, wacky adventures of a bridal industry insider +newlywed + new homeowner and (in practice)renovation-maven. Whee!

Tag Archives: exercise

Today, I feel like a slug. Or perhaps a great bear woken up from hibernation early. I got a craptastic night’s sleep (still trying to figure that one out– I went to bed at a decent time, but woke up hourly to toss and turn and ruminate over the state of things). I woke up in a less than happy mood. I’m cold, in particular, my hands are freezing, and every single project I start to work on ends with me throwing up my hands in mild disgust and walking away. It’s that kind of day. I blame the sleep situation.

To top things off, I’m hungry. Over the past three weeks, I’ve gained 3 lbs. No real reason other than my sudden and ravenous hunger. No, I am not pregnant, but thanks for suggesting it. (what is up with that, btw– how if you are of a certain age and discuss how you are hungry, then people just auto-assume that you are with child).  I’m no Dr. Quinn but I think the reason for terrible hunger  is that a) it’s cold, and I like to eat when it’s cold, b) I’ve been feeling blue about this lack of nuptials on the horizon officially thing, and c) I’m a lard lover.

I love lard. No joke. Cheese, butter, cream. Oh God, Cream. It’s so freaking wonderful. I like cheesy things, fried pickles, hot wings, cream cheese on toast. Oh, the thought of this deliciousness. I want some now. I have not had lunch yet but I am thinking that I should have some stunning combination of all the a fore mentioned goodies.

For Lent * we decided that we were going to give up laziness and embrace an exercise regime. The main reason is that I’m too selfish to give up alcohol, here read as “coping mechanism”  for NOT BEING ENGAGED YET and I don’t like to give up my glass of wine or my favorite drink in the world, Terrapin Wake & Bake Imperial Coffee Stout. Yummy.

You should  try it. It’s a high gravity beer, which means it’s extry delicious. Ok so back to Lent– a few years ago I gave up Red wine & Chocolate. It was so awful that I was contemplating  throwing myself off a cliff  ** about halfway through. I totally get what Lent is about (sacrifice, penance, and being closer to God), but that doesn’t make it any easier when you are dying for some chocolate and a glass of wine. Literally. Last year we did an old school fast, where you basically starve yourself so that you are near hallucenation by the time you eat dinner, which worked out pretty well. This year, we decided it was an awesometastic idea for us to give up laziness and to exercise. And not just any exercise– we decided to do something called P-90X.

If you’ve not heard of it, I suggest you stay up late one night and check it out on the infomercials. It’s this intense workout that is supposed to make you cry and scream out for your mother. Since I have no physical aptitude and a confessed strong hatred for exercise (it’s true– i hate the stuff), i thought this a perfect lenten sacrifice. The only problem: we have yet to start P90X.

Maybe it’s the utter lack of motivation or that we still need to aquire some of the essential items for the workout regime, like the bar thing you put in your doorframe to do pull ups (torture) or the resistance bands because i’m too weak to lift up dumbbells. Meanwhile, I keep packing on the pounds, and I am pretty sure that when the “deprivation season” (aka engagement) comes then I’ll really be whining a lot on here about healthy foods like Salmon <– disgusting, and how I need to do seven more crunches before noon. Excersise is DUMB!

So we’re behind. It’s a 90 day comittment whenever we do start, and when we’re done  we’re supposed to look like supermodels. I, for one, highly doubt this transformation, but  I kind of hope it really happens. We’ll see. Meet Jody, she’s a real person that turned into a total hottie after P90x. The image on the left is Jody in 1988 on a hiking trail. The image on the right is Jody like seven days ago after p90x ripped her abs and stuff:

Arent’ we proud of Jody? I made this graphic of my own to motivate me to totally make it happen. Thanks to the P-90x promo materials for providing me with this amazing image:

*= I’m Catholic

** = suicide is one of those “deadly sins”. Tricky!


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