September 24, 2010 On Eloping
Hello, world, it’s me again. I’d fallen off the earth. Figuratively speaking, of course– I was here, but I was feeling overwhelmed. Not to get on the soapbox or anything (but, oh, how I love me some soapboxing), my last post talked about running away and having a sweet wedding on a cliff in Hawaii.
I didn’t get many public comments on that post, but I did get many emails about it. My friends & strangers & cool people from all around the world told me what they thought about my dilemma and ultimately, I kept hearing the same thing: “It’s your wedding, it’s your day, do what you want.”
They are right. We’ve talked to several of our friends to broach the subject of our destination wedding and most have been supportive. Others have been really…well, interesting. We live and breathe weddings. We have weddings pretty much every weekend. We love to share in our bride’s celebrations as wedding professionals. But I’ll be honest– I’ve allowed that to put a lot of pressure on me when it comes to planning our wedding. I started to become consumed with being sure that everything was unique, everything was perfect to the very last detail, and that started to overtake my logic and reasoning powers. I started to become so fixated on planning the wedding that I was neglecting to be planning for the marriage– it’s a trap I always try to advise people NOT to do, and there I was, doing it.
So, voila: destination elopement started to look like a wonderful alternative. It brings our wedding back to being about us, about our relationship, and about a spiritual renewal and commitment. Am I still obsessed with details? Yes. Am I still wanting to make sure everything is perfect? Yes. But I feel like the destination wedding scales it down (a lot) and makes it feel more managable. It makes it feel like I don’t need to carve out 5 hours a day of my life to plan for a big wedding. And to be perfectly honest–we had never wanted a big wedding. It just kept growing and growing and growing into this THING that became no longer managable.
In my job, I see brides freaking out all the time about guest lists and budgets and details. I see them struggle with how to make things work, how to deal when the budget is capped out and they don’t have enough chairs for guests, or they somehow got too little cake or too much alcohol (as if there’s such a thing!). I feel I’m pretty good in those situations in my job– I’ve been a part of over 100 weddings at this stage in my career from all sorts of angles, and that’s not counting all the weddings I have attended as a guest. I love every moment, but right now I’m so not relishing all the stress that goes into being a bride.
Even a month later, we have still not made our final decision about what we are doing. We’re still in the weighing the options part of the journey, trying to decide what is right for us, and how our decision will affect all the parties involved. That’s the part that sucks– in all honesty, as much as we want to pretend that it’s all about us, we also have friends and family that will be hurt if we run off to Hawaii and they don’t get to come. So we’re working through that. I hope we’ll have a decision in the next week, if anything so we can just move forward and get things on track…and believe me, I’ll keep you posted.
However, I have made a little progress: I found a totally different dress at a trunk show that I absolultely fell in love with. It’s unique, beautiful, and very me. I bought it. No sneak peeks, though! You’ll just have to wait and see. And we went out of town to a workshop & had our engagement pictures done– the session was incredible, and I can’t wait to share the pics. I know for sure our best decision thus far on our wedding is our wedding photographer— it was so much fun to work with him on our e-pics. Can’t wait to share.
In the meantime, if you have thoughts/stories/comments– please share them. Tell me what you think about couples that elope, what you are going through, what you went through, what your feelings are– I think this is a subject that many brides go through, and I don’t know a single bride that doesn’t consider eloping at one point or another, so please– feel free to share your thoughts. Get personal, it’s cool. We’re all friends here!