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the renegade bride

the wild, wacky adventures of a bridal industry insider +newlywed + new homeowner and (in practice)renovation-maven. Whee!

I think the is a bit of an unhealthy place for me to be on a daily basis. I signed up for our wedding account pre-engagement, and I accidentally downloaded the “Knot Toolbar” so that every time I turn on my laptop, there is the Knot. Staring me in the face. It’s like hey. so here’s your checklist of things you should be doing but aren’t. It reminds me daily that I have not yet made my Save the Date (and it’s CMA fest weekend, so the Save the Date is relatively important for OOT guests). I am way behind, per the Knot checklist. I often ignore that. I also don’t yet have a wedding webpage (I attempted to start such a page and quickly lost motivation due to my anal retentive obsession to every last freaking detail and the design was not working for me) and I refuse to even talk about the budget tool.

Instead, given this coming Saturday and my quest for dresses, I’ve been stalking the dress section a bit. The other day, FH and I were watching Say Yes to the Dress (ok, I was watching, he was holding back a serious need to vom because I am pretty sure he hates the show) and I was like, omg omg, I love this dress in my heart, and at the same time  he indicated his intense distaste toward it. ” Eww. It’s all lacy” he said.  I was salivating with desire at this point, a fact he was oblivious to, and then he says he thinks that lace looks “old fashioned” and basically lame.

Devastation quickly set in. What followed was depression, as I mentally and emotionally broke it off with the relationship in my mind that i had to my lace wedding dress.  My gown went to the funeral pyre in my mind.

I know what you’re thinking. “It’s your wedding day! Wear the dress that makes you feel beautiful.” That’s so sweet of you to think.  The simple truth is how can I possibly feel gorgeous in a gown if I’m thinking that my future husband is like “come on over, old lady, let me touch your old bones through the lace dress I hate?” Yeah, because that is what I would think. I don’t want him to think about hot wedding night lovemaking with a grandma. So, that being said, the lace has just been mentally burned and it’s all over.

Goodbye, lace.

In my quest to find the perfect gown, I started to “run some ideas” by FH. He kind of looked with a degree of irritation and disinterest. “You like this, don’t you!?” I said, kind of in an angry tone of voice, as I located gowns that I heard him say looked pretty on past clients.

Gowns like this Mori Lee Flounciness thing that I think would make me look like a confection instead of a bride:

And this one– flouncy, and corsetted:

I stopped showing him dresses soon thereafter.

My required elements: natural waist. Aline or trumpet skirt. Sashable. The more I look at dresses the more i start to think I’m going a little crazy. I saw this dress today that I don’t think I would have thought was pretty before but now I like. And I don’t even know why

And then i found this Jim Hjelm that is sexy but I’d have to really do P90x so that i could fit into it.

And then I spent a lot of time stuck on Jim Hjelm. Check out this lovely little beauty

The back is to die for…but the lace! DAMN YOU LACE!!!

It’s times like these that make me think that he doesn’t know what he really likes. Right? RIGHT?


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